Life is so amazing, sometimes. Just when you think you are beginning to settle in and get your feet wet, you are hit by sudden waves of emotion, a tsunami of feelings and memories that overwhelms you in a matter of seconds. The funny part of it all is that you had no idea it was coming!
Yesterday evening, I enjoyed the solitude of my own company, writing down my notes for my therapy sessions, reflecting on how every individual is so unique, and every story is so valid and important. I decided I would listen to Rod Stewart’s famous song, “I don’t want to talk about it.” I am not sure what prompted me to do so, and by the middle of the song, the dam broke and I felt a surge of emotions and tears come over me; I was possessed by the memories and experiences I had of San Francisco for the last 10 years, the innumerable opportunities that were presented to me to grow as a person and professional, and the few but precious friendships that were forged over time. I was surprised, utterly shocked, at how I was feeling. Like a silent visitor lingering in the corner of my mind, these feelings just popped out of no where. Just when I thought I was beginning to move on and embrace my new life, my world gets turned upside down and I feel the ground below my feet is breaking….breaking lose and I am losing my mind.
I guess these feelings and sense of loss are being heightened due to the fact that, in a way, I am now homeless. Yes, I do have a roof over my head, but it is not mine. I have a house to live in, but it is not a home. While my house renovations are going on, I will have to learn to make peace with my temporary (rental) house; I will have to learn to deal with the loss of my old life and friends, while also accepting the temporary loss of a house that is currently being worked on. There’s nothing worse than having a sense of “not belonging.” I do not know how long this feeling will last…..Mumbai is still a whole new world to me, and each day is a surprise. I know I just have to trust and be fully open to the new life I have created for myself, and that’s easier said than done, but I shall try…..for I have miles to go before I sleep.